How is it December already?
Yesterday I had written a post about it being December already and how I’ve lost track of time this year. It was the first time I’d found a half hour to write in the past few weeks. It was a short but sweet little post and I planned on publishing it later that night. Then as I tried to upload an image, I accidentally deleted the whole text. I’d forgotten to save it - and just like that it had vanished. And I had a full-blown meltdown.
Yann-Yves and I have been so incredibly busy these past few weeks. We’re both working on exciting but challenging projects, I’m on the cusp of tackling a new career path (more on that soon), we’re completely rearranging the apartment in preparation for our daughter’s arrival (think Extreme Makeover: Nesting Edition) - and we’re also caring for a toddler while my bump grows exponentially by the day. Oh and I had a nasty stomach bug that left me couch-bound for most of last week.
Juggling all of the above requires a good amount of organization, and above all it requires control. My endless to-do list and busy bullet journal give me the illusion that I have it all under a carefully thought-out control. And then at the silly touch of a button I lose the text I’d been working on for precious 30 minutes of undivided attention, and I’m quickly reminded that it is not quite so.
I surprised myself as I snapped and broke down crying, suffering with the deletion of a short silly post. Trust me, it wasn’t a masterpiece. But at that moment the illusion of control was shattered, and I was flooded with frustration at the thought of all the loose ends that I must tie in the coming weeks. If I can’t even publish one finalized post, how am I supposed to get everything else done?
There’s my visa to renew. Paperwork to apply to. Market research to conduct. Books to read. A crib to buy. A bed to build. A business to kick-start. A maternity bag to pack. Maternity pictures to take. Clothes to donate. Furniture to give away. Courses to attend. Social media to manage (a particularly painful one for me). A husband not to neglect. A toddler to entertain. A baby to nourish. And then, maybe, there’s me.
The real list is much longer than the word limit of a blog post would permit, yet yes, I know I have it easy. But for the last few weeks it’s been truly challenging to see the figurative light at the end of the tunnel. As the reality of birth starts to dawn upon me, I’ve been piling myself up with an outrageous number of tasks to accomplish before our girl decides to show up, for fear (or acknowledgment) that I simply won’t be able to tackle them once she’s here.
So how is it December already? Any other year I would’ve put up the Christmas tree and decorated the house for Hanukkah weeks ago. I would’ve been listening to Christmas carols nonstop and would’ve driven Yann-Yves insane by now. I would’ve been drinking cosy drinks and soaking up the comfort of a nice smelling candle and all that hygge that comes with winter. More importantly for me, I would’ve started my yearly process of evaluating my past 12 months, in excited anticipation of the upcoming year and the “turning page” effect that it’ll bring.
But right now all I can do is finish writing this post and hope to publish it before accidentally deleting it again. Baby steps I guess?
