Thank you
Yes, you.
As I slowly approach the end of my maternity leave, I have found myself more stressed out than what's already common for my anxious nature. At the source of my worry lies the tension between an urge to go back to work, and not being able to imagine anything more fulfilling than spending my days staring at my son's toothless smile. I find myself unable to live in the present with my baby boy, not only due to the anticipation of being apart from him, but also due to the need of stimuli other than motherhood. The conflict is constant and numbing.
Lately, I've been obsessing about the difference between "who I am" and "who I want to be" - so much that by the end of the day only a good ol' Netflix binge can distract my mind in time for bed. The following questions have been playing on loop in my over-stimulated, sleep deprived head: What am I creating for my boy? How, and for what, do I want him to remember me? How will my current career contribute to that?
It is hardly news that becoming a parent often makes one reconsider who they are and what they do (for a wage, for a hobby). For our *millennial* generation though, the possibilities feel positively endless. This knowledge infers that if you do not follow your passion, or love what you do, or find purpose in it, then your own professional and/or personal misery is entirely on you.
As I'm now able to check all standard boxes in my personal life (happily married, with kid), my focus has been shifting once again to my professional one. I've been watching more self-help TED talks than I'd like to admit, and one in particular caught my attention by focusing on 3 main questions to ask oneself when searching for an authentic career: What am I good at? What do people tell me I'm good at? What is holding me back? The answer to the latter being always, invariably, myself.
This brings me, at last, to the purpose of this text - which is to thank you.
A few weeks back, a good friend of mine with whom I hadn't spoken in a while reached out to me. She had started writing again, and wanted me to know that I had inspired her to do so. In my haze of self-doubt, it has often felt unlikely for me to find motivation within myself, let alone having enough to spare and topple onto others. "Having a kid and still finding the time to do what you like, it's remarkable", she said. She was referring to my blog, my writing, my personal posts which despite being somewhat rare these days, are definitely full of raw feelings and plain joy from the act of writing. I'm always so glad to hear that it shows. "Looking forward to reading your next post", she finished her text, and my day was made.
Her kindness pulled me a step closer to the track, and for this I thank her wholeheartedly. Every now and then I find motivation and focus in refreshingly unlikely sources. Every little feedback from friends (or friends of friends), i.e. people who took 5 minutes of their time to read some words I've sewn together, fills my heart and soul with purpose.
So thank you friend, acquaintance, stranger, for bringing me closer to clarity amidst the sea of dirty diapers and toothless smiles. I truly appreciate it.
