The most wonderful time of the year
My husband and I couldn't have come from more different backgrounds. He's French/American, I'm Brazilian; he's a passionate omnivore, I'm a vegetarian; he's as much of an extrovert as I am an introvert; and at last the one that gets to us the most - religion.
When YY and I started dating, I had very few expectations. Knowing he was a nice Jewish guy from a pretty traditional family, and most importantly knowing that I was not, it's needless to say that I thought it might be smart to keep things casual for my own heart's sake. I've grown up pretty much agnostic, even though my family's Catholic. My own parents chose to not baptize me so that one day I could opt for a religion myself, should I want one.
8 years, a marriage and a baby later, I am grateful to have failed at "keeping it casual".
Yet, with all the love and respect and mutual admiration that we have for each other, raising a little human in our context is particularly mind-boggling. It's at "the most wonderful time of the year" that fundamental questions, so obvious to most couples, hit us the hardest. With the end of Hanukkah and with Christmas right around the corner, the first holiday season with our little guy necessarily brings up doubts about how we want to raise him, and how we would like to set up the cornerstone of his cherished childhood memories and lifelong traditions.
For starters, we live in Germany, a country which official language neither of us master. Although we appreciate the culture, it isn't ours to keep or pass on. So when it comes to traditions, whose should we follow? Should S, our son, believe that the Christ Kindl brings him gifts on the 25th of December, as would Bavarian kids? Will he feel left out if we don't put together an advent calendar? Or should he believe in Santa Claus, like his mom once did? Should he, like her, stay up late on the 24th to open the gifts that somehow Santa had just brought, and yet had also paradoxically been sitting under the tree for the past month?
Or should we tell him from the get-go that Santa isn't real? Should we focus solely on Hanukkah? In which case, should we make it slightly more appealing by having YY dress up as an armadillo like Ross did on Friends? Otherwise, when it comes to gifts, should he get 9 of them? With so many questions, one thing is for certain - YY and I are determined to do things our way, as unique as it may sound and whatever that may be.
While I am ready to set aside my mostly Catholic upbringing, I am not ready to give up on Christmas. I didn't have many traditions growing up, so Christmas Eve was truly the highlight of many of my years. It was the one day when my family got together, traveling from all over the state of Rio, gathering at my home. I would wake up to the smell of traditional Christmas food, hoping with all my might that "this year, finally, I would get a puppy!" (my number one wish on Santa's list for 28 years and counting). My mom would blast Christmas carols all day long, always starting with an old Disney CD we owned. I remember the day I realized Santa wasn't real, from seeing my cousin's black hair under the wig - I was equally disappointed with the truth and proud of myself for being smart. Long story short, the memories are too many and too great to give up on, and I would like to provide the opportunity for my son to build a similar repertoire of childhood souvenirs. YY, of course, has just as many memories from his own Hanukkah celebrations, and I don't see why either of us should want to omit or prevent our son from enjoying our traditions - all of them.
To be honest, we're winging it. But the other day I was finally certain that we're on the right track, when YY picked up S and said: "Do you realize how lucky you are little one? You get latkas AND panettone!". That sounds about right. That's just how lucky we are, this or any other time of the year, loving and supporting each other because of our differences, not in spite of them. With that in mind and in the spirit of the season, I wish you and yours the happiest of holidays.
Photo credit: Carolina Goetz