To my daughter

From the moment I found out that I am pregnant, I knew I am having a girl. This pregnancy has been wildly different from my first one, but not only because of that. Call it mysticism or what may, but I just knew. Like I also always knew that S would be a boy.

So back in August, towards the end of the first trimester, I wrote a little something for our daughter. I hoped with all my might that my intuition was right - but could we be that lucky? After two contradictory doctor’s appointments where one said she’s a she and another he’s a he, I became skeptical of my own gut (or womb) feeling. At that point I just wanted my baby to be healthy, because to be honest what’s between its legs is to me merely a detail in any case.

It took us over 21 weeks to finally confirm that she is indeed a “she”, and for me to admit that, if I were given a choice, I would have chosen a baby girl this time around all along. After all, who runs the world?

—

Here’s what I wrote back when I still had nothing but a motherly inkling:

Hello Baby Girl,

Please let your mama first and foremost apologize for not having written to you sooner. Being pregnant with you has been a completely different experience from being pregnant with your brother, and it took me a little longer to feel a bit more in charge - although you're still absolutely taking the reins. 

Also let me assure you that you are so loved. I have prayed, to the best of my agnostic abilities, to get pregnant with you. Your father and I may jokingly say that we were "rolling the dice", but honestly, you are in no way, shape or form an accident. You're the product of love, thoughtfulness, and faith.

Just like with your brother, I truly try not to have any expectations for you other than health and happiness. The world is just as tough, if not tougher, than when we first learned the news about your brother's presence in my womb. Some have called your parents "brave", by which they probably truly meant "reckless" or "crazy" for desiring so bad to have you in our lives while your brother is still so young. Personally, I believe the right word for us would be "optimistic", as well as perhaps "blindly faithful" of the joy that your presence will bring not only to our lives, but also to this sometimes gloomy world.

That said, if I do get to have one wish granted it would be that you and your brother get along. Not all the time, because I'm realistic, but that at the end of the day you do have each other's back. I deeply hope that you love, cherish, and support each other like only siblings can. As I mentioned, the world can be scary, but being able to unconditionally count on someone makes our experience in it so much lighter and brighter.

I have no other way to express my gratitude for your existence than to acknowledge how blessed we are to have you in our lives. 

We love you, baby girl.